Don’t deny it. We all have a subconscious secret checklist in our heads of what we’re hoping to find in another one day. As you get older (and apparently wiser) the list changes and evolves. Usually you ditch the mediocre things & replace them with the exact opposite of your most recent ex.

Sometimes we change our lists to suit whoever is in front of us, purely because it makes it seem like this evasive other half has finally found you. Sadly, it’s only for so long that you can lean on your left hip to make yourself look shorter or have all conversations with that person sitting/lying down because in reality, they are just the perfect level to look you in the tits, not in the eye.

But thank fuck for the list sometimes! The times where your list is pretty much bashing you over the head with an oversized novelty mallet. The times when you sit down on a first date, before the waiter even has time to bring over first drinks and you’ve already left a cloud of smoke in your shape sitting in front of your date. The metaphorical bash also happens when you find yourself scribbling a note on the back of a bar receipt saying “thanks for the memories” and leaving it on someone’s pillow.

For a twenty something single, this imaginary list has had so many scribbles, do-overs & return to sender moments that I’ve kinda given up on the list all together. In fact, the other night when I dropped a full bottle of vodka and a horizontal companion said that they were coming over with vodka AND soda water, well, that was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard, and I’m more than OK with that.

I think the e-cards of the world got it right. All that girls really want is someone funny who can protect them, so basically a clown ninja.

…love, lala x