I don’t know at what age it is that we start looking at dude’s shoes to judge their package size, but it’s one of those things that even though you know that it doesn’t always match up, subconsciously as a twenty something single, we still do it! Dude’s don’t wear David Bowie Labyrinth-esque tights anymore, so how else are you supposed to gauge the success of what you’re signing up for?

This magic eye adventure happened to a mate of mine. Things were rad, hilariously charming & a swag of dates to swoon over. The dude checked all the right boxes and measured up well to the “If I squint my eyes and look at your forearm I can kinda make out what you’re packing” until texts got heated one night and he killed the mood with this call: “This is the awkward part where you expect me to have a massive dick & I don’t” followed with a PXT message to prove the point.

As if this statement & supporting documentation weren’t bizarre enough, the PXT ended up being the last text received from this lost potential. My mate, who did not bat an eyelid or care about this new fact in the slightest, sent many texts trying to smooth over the situation, however like a true magic eye, once you stop squinting the picture disappears.

I feel it important to add here that I’m not a total jerk posting about someone with manhood concerns. The dude continued to make appearances at familiar locations yet totally ignore my mate. I guess sometimes even if you don’t have a tool, you can still act like a massive one.

I want to end this up with a positive massive generalization; it usually doesn’t matter what the size of the equipment is, just as long as you know how to use it. Actually I can think of nothing worse than having a massive erect eel try and punch out a morse code message via my crotch.

…love, lala x